One of the most important contributions to self-esteem is to remember that we always have a choice.
It’s much easier to be a victim, to be able to blame our current unhappiness on somebody else. Being the victim has certain advantages. Particularly, the victim can feel morally superior to the person doing the hurting. When you are being unfairly treated, you have the moral high ground. “She said those terrible things about me.” “The sales clerk didn’t smile, so I walked out of the store.” “The policeman stopped me just because I was [blank]. Why wasn’t he chasing real criminals instead of picking on a law-abiding citizen like me?”
Instead of taking all these things personally, we need to take a step back. Perhaps she said something that came out differently then she expected. Or perhaps she did speak to hurt you. Perhaps someone just yelled at her and she lashed out because of that. Perhaps she doesn’t know any better way to act. Do you want someone like that telling you how to feel? Much better to realize it is her problem, and not take the hurtful comment to yourself. Much better to assume the sales clerk is tired, or is having a bad day, than that she didn’t like you. Better to believe the policeman was just doing his job.
Don’t let others’ actions influence your self-esteem. Don’t willingly take on the role of victim. You are a beautiful person. You know it (or you should!), your friends know it, and God knows it. If there is something you need to change in your life, change it. Get professional help if you need it from a counselor or member of the clergy.
True we can all act badly, and true there are always things we can do better. The choice to lash out, to take things personally, to treat others with the respect we want from them – we have the power to do any of the above. Make the choice that enhances your humanity – and the other person’s as well.
More soon.
